Become More Resilient by Learning to Take Joy Seriously by Brad Stulberg

Become More Resilient by Learning to Take Joy Seriously by Brad Stulberg

Become More Resilient by Learning to Take Joy Seriously

Excerpts:

Grant — who, among other things, studies how people find motivation and meaning in life — showed up at Goldberg’s funeral, assured Sandberg that even though she is strong, he’d be by her side.

He offered her evidence-based tips on how to become more resilient (for both her own good and for that of her children), then helped her apply them.

The two teamed up to write a book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, which details Sandberg’s experience and the topic of resilience more broadly. Though it was inspired by a deeply personal tragedy, the book is filled with insight that is useful for anyone overcoming loss or failure.

I recently spoke with Grant to discuss the book and some of the key concepts in it.

You write that there are “three Ps” that often diminish resilience: personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence. Can you briefly describe each?

These are common traps that people fall into after a negative event. It’s so easy to get stuck in rumination: It’s all my fault (personalization); this is going to ruin every aspect of my life (pervasiveness); I’m going to feel like this forever (permanence). There is a wide body of evidence that if you can minimize this kind of thinking, you’ll be more resilient.

Is one most challenging to overcome?

Permanence seems to be the hardest, by far. When we are feeling horrible, we tend to project that out indefinitely, and it’s sticky. It’s hard to convince yourself that the awful feelings won’t last forever.

It seems that a large part of avoiding the three Ps — and being resilient more broadly — is related to the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves and our lives. Yet it’s human nature to focus on negatives over positives. How can people encourage themselves to tell positive, but not delusional, stories?

It’s a tightrope walk to embrace the feelings as they come and still find a way to craft a hopeful narrative. We have to give ourselves permission to feel sadness, but at the same, realize some meaning or happiness is out there, and include that in our story, too….

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Why the Best Success Stories Often Begin With Failure by Amy Crawford

Why the Best Success Stories Often Begin With Failure by Amy Crawford

One writer’s unexpected bout of unemployment inspired him to catalogue the misadventures of those who came before him

Long before the iPhone made him the god of gadgets, Steve Jobs launched his tech career by hacking land lines to make free long-distance calls.

Bob Dylan’s band, the Golden Chords, lost a high-school talent competition to a tap dancing act.

Behind every success story is an embarrassing first effort, a stumble, a setback or a radical change of direction. It’s these first clumsy steps on the road to fame and fortune that fascinate writer Seth Fiegerman, who edits the blog OpeningLines.org, a collection of case studies on the origins of famous careers.

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Forget Positive Thinking: This Is How To Actually Change Negative Thoughts For Success by M. Wilding

Forget Positive Thinking: This Is How To Actually Change Negative Thoughts For Success by Melody Wilding

Excerpts:

…The problem with positive affirmations is that they operate at the surface level of conscious thinking and do nothing to contend with the subconscious mind where limiting beliefs really live.

…The truth is that it’s natural and healthy to experience a range of feelings, including less pleasant ones like disappointment, sadness or guilt. While there’s no question that ruminating in negative emotions can turn toxic, whitewashing your insecurities with positive thinking is merely a temporary fix.

…Unreasonably optimistic thinking can trigger a self-defeating spiral, particularly for those prone to anxiety and depression. Research shows that while repeating positive self-statements may benefit people with high self-regard, it can backfire for those lacking confidence.

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Breakthrough Success Depends on Your Productivity, Not Your Age by Drake Baer

Breakthrough Success Depends on Your Productivity, Not Your Age by Drake Baer

If you’re about to hit 30 or 40 or 50 or whatever, and you haven’t had your Breakthrough Success yet, don’t give up. Because according to a fancy new analysis of some 2,800 physicists — which is a hard field — your age isn’t nearly as important as your hustle.

…. Published this month in Science, a research team led by Roberta Sinatra of Central European University in Budapest dug back to right around the birth of the field, 1893. The researchers collected 2,856 physicists who had 20-year careers and had published “impact papers” — the kind of research that gets cited by fellow academics and covered by the press.

…Rather [the study revealed], productivity ruled: The more experiments a given researcher did, the more likely they’d score a hit paper.

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