Become More Resilient by Learning to Take Joy Seriously by Brad Stulberg

Become More Resilient by Learning to Take Joy Seriously by Brad Stulberg

Become More Resilient by Learning to Take Joy Seriously

Excerpts:

Grant — who, among other things, studies how people find motivation and meaning in life — showed up at Goldberg’s funeral, assured Sandberg that even though she is strong, he’d be by her side.

He offered her evidence-based tips on how to become more resilient (for both her own good and for that of her children), then helped her apply them.

The two teamed up to write a book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, which details Sandberg’s experience and the topic of resilience more broadly. Though it was inspired by a deeply personal tragedy, the book is filled with insight that is useful for anyone overcoming loss or failure.

I recently spoke with Grant to discuss the book and some of the key concepts in it.

You write that there are “three Ps” that often diminish resilience: personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence. Can you briefly describe each?

These are common traps that people fall into after a negative event. It’s so easy to get stuck in rumination: It’s all my fault (personalization); this is going to ruin every aspect of my life (pervasiveness); I’m going to feel like this forever (permanence). There is a wide body of evidence that if you can minimize this kind of thinking, you’ll be more resilient.

Is one most challenging to overcome?

Permanence seems to be the hardest, by far. When we are feeling horrible, we tend to project that out indefinitely, and it’s sticky. It’s hard to convince yourself that the awful feelings won’t last forever.

It seems that a large part of avoiding the three Ps — and being resilient more broadly — is related to the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves and our lives. Yet it’s human nature to focus on negatives over positives. How can people encourage themselves to tell positive, but not delusional, stories?

It’s a tightrope walk to embrace the feelings as they come and still find a way to craft a hopeful narrative. We have to give ourselves permission to feel sadness, but at the same, realize some meaning or happiness is out there, and include that in our story, too….

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How People Learn to Become Resilient by Maria Konnikova

If I am understanding this article correctly, one of its points is that it’s not what happens to you in life that can or will determine how you cope or if you succeed, but how you choose to view that thing or event, whatever it may be.

How People Learn to Become Resilient by Maria Konnikova, Feb 2016

Excerpts:

… Resilience presents a challenge for psychologists. Whether you can be said to have it or not largely depends not on any particular psychological test but on the way your life unfolds.

…Garmezy’s work [studying school children from abusive homes who yet went to to be successful] opened the door to the study of protective factors: the elements of an individual’s background or personality that could enable success despite the challenges they faced.

….Perhaps most importantly, the resilient children had what psychologists call an “internal locus of control”: they believed that they, and not their circumstances, affected their achievements.

The resilient children saw themselves as the orchestrators of their own fates.

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Actor Chris O’Dowd is a Great Big Jerk – Not Adorable, Not Nice, and No, Not Sexy

Actor Chris O’Dowd is a Great Big Jerk

I will say from the start this is going to be one very long post, though there is a TLDR (Too Long Didn’t Read) intro below.

I’ve never had a talent for being concise. This is something you may want to bookmark and read the rest later.

In a 2012 interview with GQ, which you can read here, actor Chris O’Dowd says:

“I don’t know, maybe there is something in female writing that I’m attracted to.”

Well, then, he should really love my blog posts about him.

(As of April 2017, I edited my last post about O’Dowd and his terrible movie role choices to toss in a few other things about the guy which annoy me – most of the new content is towards the bottom of that post. Don’t forget the other post I did where I dissected his low-key variety of sexism.)

The movie ‘Bridesmaids’ was first shown in movie theaters in the year 2011, but I did  not see it until I caught it for the first time on cable TV in spring or summer of 2015.

Sad Face Emoji In this movie, actor Chris O’Dowd played a nice guy named “Nathan Rhodes” who worked as a cop (a state trooper, specifically), and Kristen Wiig, who ended up being his love interest, played down-on-her-luck “Annie Walker.”

Actor Jon Hamm played the sexist creep dirt bag “Ted,” who was using Annie for sex.

This movie was more than just a movie for me when I saw it on TV in 2015. I saw this movie at a very low point in my life, and it helped to cheer me up – for a time, at least.


TLDR

Too Long, Didn’t Read summary:

I saw the ‘Bridesmaids’ movie on cable TV after undergoing (and still undergoing) some very upsetting events in my life, including the death of my mother, who was a very loving person and who was also a Republican and a devout Christian.

I found the ‘Bridesmaids’ movie encouraging at a low point in my life.

I wanted to learn more about the movie, and the people who made it and acted in it, so I did research about it on the internet, including interviews with actor Chris O’Dowd, who played the nice guy in the film (the role of the cop, Rhodes).

From what I saw, in real life, O’Dowd insults and ridicules Republicans and people of faith and concepts they believe in (such as prayer) on his Twitter account and in some interviews he’s given.

O’Dowd is into kind of vulgar or slightly sexist humor in real life, as well, which is a turn off to me – I prefer men who behave like gentlemen and who treat women with respect.

I was stunned and saddened to discover that the guy who played such a friendly, pleasant guy in the ‘Bridesmaids’ movie is, in real life, rather rude and condescending towards other people he doesn’t even know – specifically, he’s rude and insulting towards conservatives, Republicans, or theists.

One result of this is that I can no longer really enjoy watching the movie any more.


MY BACKGROUND

I’ll explain my background here, (and I’m sorry it’s going to be quite long), so you can understand my position better, before I state some of my grievances with O’Dowd much farther below, because my background plays a part in my disappointment with O’Dowd and some of the other people associated with this film.

MY MOM’S HEALTH

My mother died a few years before I saw the ‘Bridesmaids’ movie on television, and my mother’s death was the most painful and heart-breaking thing I’ve ever had to endure.

Continue reading “Actor Chris O’Dowd is a Great Big Jerk – Not Adorable, Not Nice, and No, Not Sexy”